I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
