I need to stop coming to work sober
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
