Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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