I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
