operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize