My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
