You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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