And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
