I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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