Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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