i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
