let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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