just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
