the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
