I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
