I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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