Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
