At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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