Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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