The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
