And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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