did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
