Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
