Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
