im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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