just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
