Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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