exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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