mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
