i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
