mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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