He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
