i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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