I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
