yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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