He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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