It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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