Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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