i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
