Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
