I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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