I showed him my bush... on skype.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
