chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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