I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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