I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
