Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize