I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
