chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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