He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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