I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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