after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
