Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
