fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
