Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
