im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
