whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
