Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
