she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
