i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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