New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
