I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
