We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
