Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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