what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
