Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
