Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize