He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
